Rear View Mirror

Window rolled open
westward wind whips by
I am drifting backwards (too often)
brought on by a change in song on the radio

I keep rolling forward
4 wheels in motion--not my choice
a meloncholy taste in my mouth
I can't seem to spit
roads not taken, thoughts you leave behind

this blue presses down
like inky prints on paper
billboards and roadsigns blur
I smell saltwater in a memory

this sloping road suddenly clears
I glance up to the reflection
and there you are...
thumb slightly out, sly grin
tires screech, time stops and I slow.

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you have learned that I am a liar
but by now you should know

I would destroy everything
for a taste of your heart
(teeth sinking into a sweet valentine cookie)
I would sip your soul
like warm merlot

It would be so easy
to see my face in your eyes
I could dwell in this reality forever

For you to hold me for just one day
but time rolls forward without permission
I can't wait much longer

You deserve what I can't give
I can only haunt you
Until you decide it would be best
to love me

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I drive by your house
searching for a light through your window
pretending that you really didn't leave
I dial your number
let it ring and ring
knowing well that you are gone
but half expecting you to answer anyway
I toss and turn and night...tangled in your sweater
telling myself that I am upset
because the weather has been so unpredictable

I am gonna save and make money...somehow, someway. Even if it involves selling my family!

Who in this "economy" is not looking for a little more green in their wallets? Talk about a cliche'! I am sick to death of the housing market, sick of my hubby's pathetic paycheck and sick of being in debt. How do I cure these blues? (oh so much fun with color this morning!) Well, aside from all things practical...I did get a job, it just hasn't started yet and I am completing my Masters in the fall. So in the meantime I find interesting ways to make ends meet.
1. I farm out my husband as a "model" ( I know, kind of like Kramer modeling underwear.) Kevin is a character and has a "look" apparently, so why not take advantage of it? He has a billboard somewhere in Seattle where he is dressed up as a doctor selling insurance. Whatever works. Currently I am trying to get him on game shows. Being a teacher he has had to miss some great castings. Not even sure if he enjoys it...that is me, always trying to get him his 15 seconds of fame. But it's fun, for me!
2. Got 3 kids. Cute enough, hell, they can model too! My 3 kids have modeling contracts...sounds super-pageant Mommy. NOT. They model for a company where I take the pics (I am a photographer) and we get paid in clothes. Perfect for this family and no creepiness involved. They just got in, so I will let you know if it really works out. My 3 year old has another contract through a real agency but has yet to get a decent casting. Doubt he could sit still for 30 seconds to even get a photo. Maybe is they were doing a shoot for candy and needing hyper-active kiddos!
3. A.Get husband enlisted in the Navy. This one is not working so well as my "better half" is not so game on my new idea. I want all the groovy benefits, free housing and more. B. Get husband teaching for Dept of defense...this one may have legs. They pay WAY more for teaching than regular schools and they pay to move us and house us. I am IN, baby! I would honestly move anywhere as I am up for a new adventure.
4. I am going back and forth between buying lottery tickets and robbing a bank. I have a sinking suspicion that neither will bode well....so much for trying!

baby Love...

If only they stayed this sweet and cute...

I would have a million babies. Watch out Duggars, you have got competition! Wait. Hold that thought...I have an adorable 3 year old that reminds me non-stop why I don't have a million little tykes padding along the carpet. They grow up, damn it. First it's the crawling...once that starts, it's all over people! You are on constant look-out for choking hazards. My baby currently enjoys a good periodical for munching. I often swipe bits of chewed newspaper and magazine from the inside of his cheeks. Then the walking...which really means," I am finally up and the only way to go is down" ie: FALLING. How is something so natural so dangerous? I have thought of padding the kids in football gear and helmets to avoid any damage. But people tend to look at you funny when your toddler is in full pads and a mouth guard when you are checking out at Safeway. Especially when she is a girl. Oh but I do love a good baby. Mine is literally moments from crawling, so I will change my mind, soon. Then it will be first words...which we all know eventually leads to talking back. Oh, why do they have to grow up?

Facebook, Do not update me on your stupid stuff! and other rants!

okay, I DO NOT CARE about your pig collection, heart beats, or how you grow weed on Farmville to sell to your sugear daddy on Mafia Wars! ENOUGH ALREADY! I hate hate hate when people post their dumb status updates for all of their lame-ass games. "I just made it to the 300th crystal level of Jewel Blitz, I am rad!" Let's just be honest here, NO ONE CARES!!!!!!! Oh and enough with the constant, boring drizzle of everyone's updates, "I just brushed my teeth!" or "I cooked spicy chili!" or "My 3 year old can read encyclopedias and yours can't!" Puleeeez! It is so annoying. Facebook is stricly for spying on people you secretly hate, ie, your BFFS.  I laugh at the amount of so called, "friends" everyone has, it is all a new way to go back to junior high and this time try to do better than when you were an acne clad, scrunchie wearing, thirteen year old. I admit, I am somewhat addicted to checking, FB. That doesn't mean that I can't see it for what it really is....BS. I see popular people from high school calling total "nerd"s , "still so beautiful", HA! You never even laid eyes on that person all 4 years of high school and now publicly you pretend to be best buddies because it makes you look nice and releives some guilt from being a total bonch! It is laughable. And you feel like you have to comment on statuses all of the time, because everyone else is doing it. people complain, "Oh so and so didn't comment on my Grandma dying, what a bitch!" Guess what? Maybe so and so doesn't constantly check their live news feed every hour and didn't realize your Grandmother kicked the bucket. COME ON! And the photo posting, all the perfectly photo-shopped pics of you and your precious kids.  YUCK! Show me something real, I dare you! Enough ranting for now, my 2 month old is crying, my 2 year old is beating up on my 4 year old, now crying too! fun.

I am ADDICTED to QVC...

Okay, scary, I know. I am not a crazy cat lady in my sixties, afraid to leave the house and buying feline scratch posts from the latest infomercial. I am a fairrly hip, thirty-something chick that cannot stop watching QVC. It is, for me,  like a train wreck, crack, hot sex, lottery tickets, and more all rolled up into a 24-7 tv channel that I cannot turn away from. Not only do I watch, but I shop too! I buy it all. They can make the most lame, mundane product sound like the most must-have item on earth! Is there a support group out there? QVC Annonymous anyone? I purchase things I never knew I needed, 3 frying pans in aqua blue that match the kitchen counter tops that I actaully hate. Various clothes from Denim and co. that I found heinous at first glance but slowly got reeled into their schpeel and now believe I am fashion forward. Oh and don't even get me started on the cosmetics. I NEED that stuff. I buy hundred dollar wrinkle cream when I still constantly get carded. I buy the latest Hollywood makeup when I barely have time for chapstick. My hair craves their volumizing spray, my eyes need , "bullet-proof" (what?) eyeliner, my lips need gloss that will never wash off! When the carboard boxes line up on my front porch I feel vindicated, happy, relaxed and broke. But I have a new friend in the UPS guy and lots and lots of new, shiny stuff!

Dear Diary?

Wow! I am actually a blogger...it feels weird, almost cathardic. Why do people blog? For real? I suppose it is cheaper than a psychiatrist or therapist visit. Maybe there is a hope that one's poetic waxings will swoop them into a cloud of lucriative fame and fortune. I don't know. As to why I am doing it? All of the above. I used to be a writer, or have time to write, never professionally but it was something I was invested in. Now as a crazy-busy Mom of 3 kids 4 years and under, I never find the time. This whole internet ready thing will make it easier, I hope! I have a lot to say...my life for the most part is strangely hilarious...almost like a bad B movie or a pilot for a sitcom that never makes it to network television. Yes, it's that good.